i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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