remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
