I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
