I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
