Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
