wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
