We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
