How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
