I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
