I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
