with your own penis?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's the barista slut.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
