What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
