Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
