He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
