i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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