9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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