That's when you crack a 10am beer
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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