the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
