Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
