clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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