Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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