last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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