Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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