i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
