the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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