I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
