I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
