Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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