this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
