I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
