He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
