Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
