Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
