I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
