If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
