I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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