dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
