Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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