sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
