Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
