i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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