Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
