So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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