i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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