Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
