yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize