im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
