So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
