My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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