They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
