I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All the doctor said was why
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