I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
