plz talk dirty to me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
