Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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