The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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