i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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