I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
