the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
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Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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