He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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