I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wear drunk well.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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