This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
