I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
