Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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