she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
