garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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